My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mel, what a lot of suckage piling on. Hang in there
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Rosie~Thank you, we've talked and said our thoughts and feelings, it's just that when you're dealing with someone who always thinks they are right and have all the answers, it makes anything hard to get through. I'm just realizing this. I don't know why I never saw it before. I don't know what this will mean , once my heart changes it usually doesn't change back. I trusted this person with my life. My confidant and all in between. No matter what I've begun to notice a lot of criticisms being cast in many directions. I don't much like that. Especially since it seems like it's more and more every time we talk. I guess maybe time will help. I sure hope so. Because this could change my life again.
Moth~ suckage would be the word.
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kitty, how are you doing? How are your lungs and breathing today?
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I'm still in the hospital, now they are saying I have a mystery lung infection that they are trying to figure out, so it's New Year's Eve here and I won't get to see my daughter and grandson today, I normally take Finn to the beachside carnival and then he would have a sleepover I'm glad your scans went well Golden's.
Mel i hope you can get your differences sorted out and that your mum will be cared for while your stepdad is recovering.
Hi Candy, Moth, Mae, Tanya, KBL and anyone I've missed, my brain is mush at the moment.
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Goldens glad to hear your good results.
Mel, I am sorry about what is going on, too much. Hugs and my thoughts to you.
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Mel, I am so sorry for what you’re going through. My daughter is the same way as you. She had a best friend and was always there for her. When my daughter needed her, she wasn’t there. My daughter does not take kindly to others being so selfish. They haven’t spoken since. I know you will know if it’s right or not to do the same.
I’m so sorry about your stepdad. I hope he gets well soon.
Goldens, that’s awesome. Congratulations.
Hi, Kitty. So sorry you won’t be able to spend the day with your grandson. I hope they figure out what’s going on with your lungs. Thinking of you.
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Mel I hope you get a solution in place for your Mom and step dad. It's so hard to manage from afar. My Mom has moved to be in my town now. She has her own place but needs a lot of stop ins. But at least it'a only 2 miles.
One idea .. that my sister did before we found a place here.... is she put some nest cameras in my parents old house so we could peek in and make sure things were ok. When the carer parent is unexpectedly disabled (my Mom broke her leg in 2019, so same here) & there's nothing in place, what a panic. I literally had to teach my Dad to use a microwave! I send you a hug -- worrying about both generations (S and M) at one time is rough! Then a friend letting you down. Hang in there-- you are a strong woman and you are loved!
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So we all know how things can be delayed when we go in for scans and/or treatment. Yesterday was no different. COVID only adds to the problem as everything has to be sanitized between patients. The problem started when my MRI interfered with the time parameters of my bone scan, which was my last scan of the day. The MRI was scheduled for a brand new machine in a distant part of the hospital complex. They were running quite late so nuclear med wanted me to scan first to fit the 4 hour wait time from injection of radioisotopes. So back to main part of hospital to get that done and was sent over to wait for MRI (still in main part of hospital). So finally get situated in machine and after 30 minutes of them puttzing around, decide the machine is not working. Couldn’t use the machine next door as a tech was replacing brakes on the table. Finally decided to take me over to Children’s Hospital, a which is part of the huge complex. Started MRI, which after about 40 minutes, they were going to wrap up by injecting the contrast portion of the test. After injection, I’m starting to feel itchy, on my abdomen, my right shoulder and behind my right ear. I realize I’m likely having an allergic reaction, but opted not to say anything in order to finish scan. I was careful to make sure I was not having problems breathing or with my throat closing. When they took me out of the machine and sat me up I told them about the itching. Sure enough I had hives where the itching was. They hurriedly got me back to radiology dept in main hospital where they monitored me for 45 minutes to make sure allergic response was not worsening. They could not give me Benadryl as I did not have a driver. Radiologist even came to see me to let me know that I would need to take a premedication protocol any time I had an MRI with contrast. So this was why I got home at 7:30 pm rather than 5. To top everything off, the crown on my back molar came off last night. What a fitting end to 2020🤪
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- Mel, hugs to you. I hope you feel the compassion and understanding of all of us on this thread. You are never alone as long as you have us!
- Kitty, it sucks that you are still in the hospital. I hope you are released soon. Maybe you can find something else fun to do with your grandson. I'm sure all of your family just wants to see you get well and come home.
- Golden, awesome news. Stable is the golden word.
- I've been home a few days now, and DH has been on his best behavior. It feels like it's only a matter of time before he drinks again. He says he's done, but I know him so well. We attended an AA meeting together on Zoom, and it was an awesome meeting. I can tell DH doesn't really relate or doesn't want to relate to the other alcoholics. I'm not sure if he has hit rock bottom yet. Hoping I'm wrong.
- I have a PET scan next Thursday and see my MO the following Tuesday. I do not expect good news. I have not been on any treatment since September, so I'm guessing she is going to hit me hard with a chemo that will be tough. But I'm ready. The pain has increased to a point that I can't do much without feeling it. Again, I take responsibility. I'm the one who wanted to stop treatment.
- Anyway, hi to Tanya and all the rest.
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Morning all. Wow... a lot going on here.
Mel- I am sorry you have had a falling out/ lost confidence with someone you loved and trusted. Humans are hard to deal with sometimes. I had words with one of my sisters, concerning my cancer, the day of my MO appt. I hung up on her. We have not talked since-- 10 days now. I know I cannot depend on her to help me. I feel so betrayed by her. We grew up close. I do not understand why it is this way now.
Goldens-- Woohoo on the scan results. Oh my, on the delays and the allergic reaction to the contrast. I am always a little apprehensive when they inject contrast. I have had a thousand CT's and a couple of MRI's now, but I always wonder if the next injection will give me an allergic reaction. Scary. And I drive myself too. So Benadryl? Or if I would need to stay for a bit, would I be ok to get home.
Booboo- I will be praying for your PET and the decisions you will have to make on further treatment. I cannot advise on husbands or alcoholism, but I have a relative that has mental issues. I have came to realize that if someone does not want help we cannot do it for them. They have to realize they have a problem and want to get better. Another hard thing about humans. You have to watch them destroy themselves and cannot do anything about it.
Kitty- Oh my, a mystery lung infection !!! Praying you will get the help you need and will turn the corner and get well soon.
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BooBoo,
Writing to tell you that I am thinking of you, both regarding your upcoming scans, etc., as well as stuff with your husband. My older brother died in 2015 of liver cancer, brought on by cirrhosis of the liver from alcoholism. We never lived near each other as adults, so when his marriage fell apart and his health got worse, I had to step in some to help him out. (Our mother had dementia and couldn't comprehend anything.) Literally, one time he had to be airlifted to a hospital due to bleeding varices from drinking. My husband and I drove there and listened as the doctor told him -- you can never drink again. He sat there and denied that he drinks any more. I sat there with my jaw open. Then the next day he said that the doc told him he could have a few beers with his pizza. We just couldn't get it into his head. He would never go to AA. He did go to a therapist for a while, but he lied to the therapist and so the therapist kept probing his childhood and never really addressed the alcoholism. Prayers to you and your husband -- hopefully he will see the light, but he will need some sort of help to do so (beyond you.)
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Mel,
When my mother began to fail, she lived 4 hours drive time from me. My father had already passed. I was able to hire a caregiver to come in three or four times a week for a couple of hours to help her out. Perhaps that is something that you could look into, with your siblings? It's not cheap, but the peace of mind is worth it. We went with one of the major caregiver chains -- think those that advertise on TV -- and it worked out as a temporary fix.
Good luck on this and everything else that's swirling around you.
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BevJen, thank you for sharing that story about your brother. I read recently that due to COVID there are many, many people suffering from alcohol related issues (DUIs, divorce, etc.). I don’t doubt it. I think the reason I feel so much better is my siblings all called and asked what they could do. I feel supported and no longer feel trapped. If things go south again with DH, I have a safe place to go. I am very lucky to have my family. Thank you again for your kind words. I appreciate it very much.
Candy, thank you too sweet sister. Hope you have a good day.
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Laurie, all my best to you and what you are dealing with right now. It is tough and we all want to support.
Goldens, sounds like that was a day where when everything that could go wrong did. Glad you made it home and that the treatment took care of the allergic reaction.
Mel, thinking of you as well, so much going on for everybody so will just offer my thoughts.
I am lucky that nothing is going on that I am aware of. I don't mind being stuck inside and doing nothing. Have not partied on New Year's Eve since in my late teens. Had a bad experience at a party and did not go to another other than when we did dinner at older DB house.
Not doing much today other than laundry. Whipped out my clip on washer and big bucket. Was rather comical because I had not used it such a long time, forgot how to start it up and thought it was broken. Would have junked it without realizing. Wanted an extra option for washing on blanket days. Thankfully it does work and will not need replacement. That is about it.
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Dear Ladies - we are all faced with so many challenges, well beyond MBC. So much despair out there. But I encourage you to take a moment and celebrate the fact that we are all here to see 2020 leave and welcome 2021. Let us remember with fondness those no longer here and know that we will have to welcome others to this room in the new year. Our pockets are deep and plentiful. I’m grateful we can be together and wish all of you a New Year filled with peace.
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Wel said Goldens. Well said
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Goldens, congrats on stable 🎉
Micmel, sorry for everything you’re going through.
I missed a lot of posts since I last checked, sorry.
Having coffee and quietly saying bye to this year.
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Good morning
I had another acupuncture appt this morning and asked her to focus all her attention on right hip and down the front of my leg which is where the pain was when I awoke. Boom I walked gingerly to the car and relaxed on the way home. Once inside my back got a knot in it right in the middle. Oh well that’s where pills come in.
Booboo glad you got away. Whatever you’re seeing is what’s is really there with your DH. I’ll be in for pocket duty for your upcoming PET.
Moth and Mae planning gives hope for the future and something to look forward to. I used one last year so... I guess I’m sideying the idea of another one.
Goldens great news but horribly loooong unbearable day.
Mara I am doing bed linen today and small pillows.
BevJen we’ve had the cursed alcoholism in our family as long as I can remember. Buried my dear darling companion brother friend too 2016. My young neice is struggling with it too with three children a house and a job. Everyone’s depending on her-she’s half native and her father drunk himself to death with moonshine more than 20 years ago.
Mel sorry to hear about the nastiness from you and your friend. Yikes. Depending on people sucks and you definitely didn’t need anymore suckiness right now
Kitty I hope whatever they’re treating you with is killing the infection. Is there a window or anything that you can look out of and see your daughter grandson? Maybe near a waiting area. Sad to hear that.
Candy yeah I have a sister who sparingly answers when I reach out. Sheer ridiculousness.
Santabarbarian that’s a good idea to get a caretaker and I like the idea about the cameras.
Happy New Year 🎆
Tany
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Goldens--
Good post. Well I just worked on my spare bedroom for an hour. Back is hurting. So time to stop. I have a box of old clothes I need to go thru and maybe give to Goodwill. Still need to go thru some stuff. And have some items I need to haul out for trash company to pick up-- old vacuum, old lamps, etc. Stuff you have to separate from regular trash day. I will work on the room some more another day. I have plenty of boring days I can work on it.
Tanya- I wish I could try acupuncture, but we do not have in my area. Hope you get to feeling some relief soon.
I thought of calling my sister, but what do I say? ----"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having cancer. I'm sorry for asking for your help." --- I don't think I should have to apologize. Oh well, another sad thing in life.
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Candy~ something you said in your text really hit home for me. Saying sorry to others because we have cancer. I am always apologizing to DH for having this happen. I feel like I have to say I'm sorry because I can't be who he once had as his mate. I feel guilty because my hormones are destroyed and my drive is non existent and not something I think of anymore. It took a few years to get this way. I guess I ran out of hormones. But with all the medication I'm on and all of the side effects. Sex isn't something I think of. I'm stuck thinking of neuropathy and damage to my body and significant pain in my body. Daily. I just deal with it, I try to explain it's nothing he did. It's my lack of hormones and I don't think he understands. Maybe takes it personally. Any of you ladies also have any libido? I need some advice.
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Wishing you all a healthy and great 2021!
Lots of love to my amazing sisters.
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Micmel, no libido here but I do my best to make sure we have sex occasionally and I’ve made more of an effort to show affection in other ways (long hugs, back scratching, random kisses). DH is great about it and accepts things for the way they are but there is some noticeable sadness in his acceptance that this is how it is now. Making sure he feels like my husband, not my caretaker is a top priority for me. If I fail at that, I’m afraid we slowly drift into ending up roommates, which is not an option.
My only advice is
1. Hyalogyn moisturizer.
2. Use it or lose (with some frequency, even if you’re not in the mood)
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Lilly, that's perfect!
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Mel- I cannot help you with your intimacy issues as I am not in a relationship. But I feel I should not have to apologize for the cancer. I didn't ask for this. For the loss of my health, loss of my career, living on a fixed SSD income now. I do not want it this way. And, honestly, I think my sister is being selfish. Thinking of herself rather than sympathizing and wanting to be there for me, out of love. I do not want to go into all the details, but just wanted to say we should not feel we need to say we are sorry for the cancer. Mel it is not your fault. Sorry I cannot give you more advise-- maybe other forms of affection like Mae said. What do older married couples do? I know of couples in their 80's that seem so much in love, of course I do not know if they have a sex life still.
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Tanya, glad you got your laundry done, I did manage to get a blanket going at the same time as some small cloths and Tshirts in the clip on washer. Was quite fun.
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Tanya the cameras were extremely helpful because it's less intrusive to sign on a camera and see your dad napping rather than phone and wake them up. My sister has an animal boarding facility, and uses them to keep an eye on animals-- so...
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Hi everyone, this is the lovely view from my bed, I'm still here unfortunately, not really getting any better, I've got more drugs in my veins than blood I reckon, and they still can't fix me.
So I hope you all have the best possible 2021 with good scan results and as pain free as possible.
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Kitty~I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with this. I was hoping you would be feeling better. You’re on my mind and in my thoughts. We all need a great 2021. We deserve it. Everything we go through. Sending good vibes....
Happy New Year Ladies. You’re all very special.
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We are thinking of all of you and also sending good, healing vibes.
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