MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
Comments
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Gosh Marlegal...I read your post about the blog a few posts higher and I thought you were quoting what I had said a month ago...almost word for word actually...uncanny how different onces of us feel that at different times...I still don't know why I am called a survivor for getting through breast cancer but not the heart attack....interesting indeed....I feel more undone by the heart attack, actually..it has slowed me down more and kicked my butt....only told those who needed to know or those I am close to.... That being said, I am going to 'OUT' myself at the performance this Saturday for both breast cancer and heart attack since they are connected...will feel as exposed as I did bare breasted on the radiation table!....
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Barbe1958
I know exactly how you feel as I'm 2 years out from IDC and 5 years from intitial diagnosis of DCIS. I guess I feel like I'm gonna get slammed and history might repeat itself.
Thanks mjmiller for the definition of survivor. I too have struggled with saying that I'm a survivor - but according to this definition - we all are!! My dr. told me that she tells her patients they are survivors from day 1!
Gina - yes I'm a 2-timer. After DCIS in 2006 and IDC diagnosis in 2009, and inconclusive BRACA test results, I opted for Bilateral Mast. In Feb. 2010.
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I wrote a post a while ago about the survivor word......I thought I was a survivor after I completed chemo and radiation for 14 years I considered myself a survivor, but now with the recurrence I am not a survivor, I don't feel like I survived anything, I feel like I am here, waiting to go to the drs. every 3 weeks and get blood work done every other month to see if it has spread, not able to make plans in the future and wondering if I will be here next year to see my kids graduate from high school or Christmas this year or Thanksgiving....if that part is a suvivor then I guess I am surviving cause I am not dead yet, sorry!!!
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Hi Ladies,
Jumped to end to let you know I AM DOING THE END OF CHEMO HAPPY DANCE!!!!!
Paula you will be dancing with me tomorrow. I did almost sleep through tonight
. Chemo today went well first time they used my arm instead of hand but the veins all held up and I am on the the next phase, rads starry June 7.
I did see the flowers for Lisa they are beautiful and such a wonderful way to show the sisterhood here.
Thanks again for all the hugs and support from my middie friends.
Jean0 -
Update: Went to see the surgeon for a recheck and Radiology Oncologist.. Surgeon said I'm good to go back to work in another week... then RO says that he is thinking 16 rad treatments and I will be good BUT we are still waiting to see if I need chemo... That appointment is Monday if the oncotype test results are back.. They weren't back when I saw the RO. I will probably start radiation in June.0
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(((JEAN))) and (((PAULA))) Doing the happy dance with you!
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((((Gina))) sorry you are having to deal with this yet again
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MBJ LOVE the new avatar!!!!
You know we all say 'don't clean before I visit' but you also know what our mothers taught us! We would feel compelled to clean!! I try to leave my livingroom tidy every night so I have one room that is presentable. But, I NEVER make my bed unless we change the sheets. You aren't supposed to make the bed! Remember years ago they used to 'air' the bed or turn back the covers? That was to keep BEDBUGS out!! Bedbugs like dark, warm places...like when you make your bed in the morning! I don't have any bedbugs, so my theory must be working...right??
OG, so glad your sis is B9!! I like to hear when another one dodges the bullet.
I had a double mast so I wouldn't have to go through the disheartening experience of having another diagnosis. Hugs to Regina.
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Blondie, I can't know how I'd feel with a second diagnosis, but I hope that if I found myself afraid to make plans for the distant future, someone would nudge me and say I should make plans for the immediate future with my children and - God willing - grandchildren. Not too many people know when their last days will be. In a way, having had the scare of cancer touch us intimately gives us more reason to cherish all the todays we are given. One of my favorite quotes, stolen from a chatter on BCO, is: "Worry doesn't rob tomorrow of its troubles, it robs today of its joys." I have that written down next to my computer desk at home so I see it at least once a day. I know you and I will meet up somehow/someway this summer, either home or at the shore, and we can discuss this more over a cold beverage Hugs. 0
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Good morning ladies,
I wanted to post before I leave for Miami. I'm so excited that I get to room with Mumayan on the Breast Cancer Thrivers Cruise and will get to meet her in person!
Barbe - I am like you with making the bed, I DON'T! Unless it's clean sheet day although I did make it today cause I'm leaving and I wanted DH to have a nice made bed to get into tonight when I'm gone.
Paula and Jean, congratulations on finishing Chemo. Happy Dance for both of you!
Welcome to all of our Newbies.
Gina, so sorry you're having to go through this again.
I am not very fluent in expressing myself (unless it's a medical or healthcare paper) but please know that I think of all of you every day and you're always in my prayers.
"See" you when I get back.
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Ladies this board moves so quickly my head spins. Thanks so much for entry hellos. I will do my best to acknowledge who said what to my response but it is hard to try to remember everyone hopefully with time it will get easier
Marlegal I do think you have a great sense of humor, it is dry and whitty. You make me smile when I read some of responses keep it coming It helps with everyones spirits (especially at 3 in the morning when I cant sleep).
I don't know about survivor label since I am new to this (mbx in march with just dcis) it does not seem to apply however I sometimes read the stage iv threads (for courage when I can't possibly
go to another doc visit) and to me those women are survivors and it has nothing to do with beating breast cancer. As someone said I really don't want to be a label I want to be known as Liz. I want folks to see me (hopefully) as a kind person who has a terrific husband two wonderful sons and two adorable cocker spaniels. This dx is just a wrinkle in my life I really don't want to be defined by it
Meece I couldn't agree more there are many people that know about what has gone on with me for the past several months (and to be quite honest) I have gotten a lot of support from family friends and aquaintenances but as soon as I see some of these folks face to face for the first time their eyes go right for my chest. I kind of find some humor in this but I think it is just second nature and I really don't think folks mean much harm. I was joking with my husband the other night in my
younger days my chest got a lot of attention from those of the opposite sex and I use to say "hey up here look me in the eye don't stare at the cleavage". Now for oh so different reasons folks eyes wander right to the boobs (or lack there of) again. We had a good chuckle over it.
Gina so sorry to hear of the dx. You have all of our support I will keep you in my prayers
Barbe. When someone calls and says they are in the area and dropping by it is a mad rush to
clean and straighten. Hosekeeping is not my strong suit and to be quite honest after this dx I really don't care much i have always rather spent the time with my children going to their sports games or just hanging with them. When my surgery was scheduled my sister in law (god love her) who we tease about being a little obsessive compulsive about cleaning offered to come and clean for me. I thought to myself If she sees my bathroom I may send her into cardiac arrest I declined her kind offer and asked her to take my 11 yo son out somewhere fun instead so he was not home worrying about me. I have always tried to teach my kids people first then things it has worked so far for me and I don't intend to stop now to clean something that is only gping to get dirty again.
Jean and Paula congrats another chapter closed for you. Praying that it stays that way0 -
ReginaR, nice to hear from you again but very sorry to hear that your remaining breast followed in the footsteps of the other one. What a naughty little copy cat! Let's hope your surgery Tues. goes perfectly and puts an end to the B/C once and for all!
marlegal, I just read all the "survivor" opinions on a thread. Have not seen the blog. A lot of people say "I don't want to be defined by B/C" and I understand that to mean they don't want B/C to be in the forefront of everything else that has occured or is occuring in their lives. As we all end up the sum total of our experiences, tho', you can't really leave the B/C out of it but it certainly does not have to be the main focus either. Just enjoyed how the opinions were all individual.
suzwes, my Mid-Age brain forgot you were going on the "B/C Thrivers" cruise -- so BON VOYAGE, and you and mumayan will have to give us the full report upon your return.
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Welcome newbies
Jean and Paula doing the HAPPY DANCE for you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Regina and Blondie-so sorry you having to go through this yet again. No one deserve that.
mjbmiller-love your new avatar and your new hair. Looks good. Hope you PS can come around and see your side of your reconstruction issues. It is not about him but you.
Suzette have fun on the cruise
Sure I have missed someone so Hope you are all having a wonderful Friday
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Funny you should say that about Stage IV survivors Liz. I went to a Relay for Life event with my kids as a "survivor" and felt that I didn't belong in the "survivor" category. I have always felt that "survivor" was what a person was after the end of an event.
Maybe I'll feel differently as time goes on since I am pretty newly diagnosed and have been Stage IV from the start.
But my treatment so far has been going pretty well so, as Charlie Sheen would say, I am WINNING
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I had my lumpectomy on May 8 '09. The Relay for Life event locally was the 1st weekend in June. A friend of mine drug me there, told me to do the survivor walk--I didn't feel like I'd survived anything since I didn't even know what my treatment was going to be (docs all said rads & AI until onco score was so high-then chemo got tossed in!)
Last year, I went with my DD & voluntarily did the walk-felt like I'd accomplished something then. I'm walking June 4, '11 in honor of Lisa.
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Welcome Newbies!!
Paula & Jean - DOING THE HAPPY DANCE WITH YOU - CONGRATS!
suzwes - Have A Wonderful Time on your Cruise - BON VOYAGE.
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Suz and Mum, have a blast on the cruise! Everyone have agreat weekend.
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reesie, I was wondering if the name Charlie Sheen would ever pop up on this thread. I dearly love it when rich, famous people go crazy!
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Suz and Mum wish I was going on a cruise too enjoy yourselfs.
Congrats to those who are finished with treatments. Welcome those who are new to the board.
Regina/Blonie sorry that you have to go through this all again, praying for you.
Talked to the PS office and Kelly the office manger apologized for not calling me back but she just did not have any news yet. It seems that the hospital is the ones dragging their feet as they do not want to commit to a time prior to a week before surgery. But the PS will be at the hospital on the 26th and they may have an opening that day otherwise still looking at the 31st with no time set. Just need to be patient. Kelly was very understanding of my frustration and told me if I had questions never to hesitate to call.
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mjbmiller-at least you got some answers. Not quite what you wanted but answers all the same.
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Mjbmiller so sorry that you did not get a definite date the waiting is the worse part. Cyber hugs
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just stopping by, and am so glad i did!! thanks for all the quotes i copied down, ladies.. i neverr feel like a "survivor" i keep telling my DRs. i won't be one, till i die of something else !however, from that def., i fit, so thanks....
My prayers are with all of you; but esp Regina and Blondie.. to do this again is just pure unfair !!! 3jays
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Faulk, where in Broomall? I am in Collingdale - another survivor (ha) lives in Broomall and we're due for a get-together, would love to have you join us if you like.
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I am so happy that the chemo is done. Im doing the HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks girls for the support! Its on to tamoxo for up to 5 years.!!!!!!!!!
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dancin in so. fla for ya Paula!! 3jays 0 -
Yay Paula66!
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Thanks Girls! Its been a ride that was one that had soe road bumps, and potholes, but I got thru them. At the start I didnt know if I could do it, that A/C is wicked stuff. But I did it! Thanks for all the help gals!!!!!!
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Okay, the Torah is in this pic and I'm not making pro or con of that, I just thought it was a really cool picture of women dancing. Paula, this is for you hon
I am just finishing my 5 yrs of tamoxifen (actually 3.5 of that and 1.5 of aromasin, but still) and I wish you the speed that those years had for me. Not to fly by without noticing though, cause my last 5 yrs have actually been filled with more living than I had in the 40 yrs prior, no lie.
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Marlegal
I am right off of Bryn Mawr Ave. Would love to get together with fellow BCO members. PM me with any specifics0 -
In my mind I didn't do anything courageous in this battle against BC-there is a quote from churchill that I have loved my entire adult life-it got me through some tough times and it has helped through this-sometimes your best is not good enough, you have to do what is necessary. I mean what choice did I have when diagnosed? I do not think I was heroic, my choices were based on what I perceived as necessary. I was so scared, I still am some days (today- really bad). It is like when people praise me for taking care of my son. There is no choice really, not in my mind.
I want praise for things that I do not have to do that are extraordinary. If that makes sense. Otherwise I feel a bit of a fraud, like I am taking credit for simply doing what is necessary. There are few who would say in the face of BC DX-no thanks, I don't think I will do anything. Some do, but not many.
Yet, conversely, there are women I have *met* on this board that I think are truly heroic in their battle. Who exemplify the quote of which I am so fond of. They rise to each friggin bastardly challenge that is thrown at them with a grace and strength I have not often witnessed. And then they turn around and offer their help and love to others along the way, all the while walking along a path nobody should ever have to trod. Whoa, that is simply amazing to me.
I am not sure where I heard this or read it but it was something like this- I do not only want to survive, I want to thrive. I have been all torn up today and it has been brewing for a few weeks. I think it happened when maybe a day or two of feeling down just settled in and then it is like the door swung wide open and all the sadness and fears flowed in. Everything seemed to stick, from losing another one of us way too soon to hyper awareness of self-mortalilty...all got piled in a logjam with no way out. I keep restarting the engine so to speak but then it would sputter and stall out. I got mad, since in all the decades of my life I have always been able to shake it off and march on. But I got in here good this time. Perhaps I needed to and admit to myself how scared and uncertain I have felt since last November. Its like I kept waiting for this magical moment where that undercurrent would go away, yet the paddling to keep my head above water actually exhausted me as I tried to appear like I was floating along with a smile on my face.
So, when I read the question over survivor, it clicked something in me. I have survived thus far and it was the thriving I was missing. The living part. I have been so busy surviving and trying to somehow minimize it all as a show of weakness I guess. Ha. Instead it was a shock to the system (great movie by the way with that title). I find myself trying to make elaborate explanations to others and myself why I feel or act a certain way...and i am beginning to realize there are no real explanations-it just is. I think the thriving part is going to be the challenge, if I insist on truly applying my credo from old winston. I'll have to accept that I was dx with BC and that is fact of who I am now. To seek out a balance where it is just that, like the color of my eyes. Cautious and vigilant (and allowing there will be times when I have to be hypervigilant for changes that could signal problems). Then dust off my now flabby ass and get back in the saddle again, giddyap and ride.
sheesh....i did it again,freeform annette brain. thank you all for being who you are and being so patient...
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