Stupid comments ....
Comments
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so I was getting ready to leave for my stage 2 DIEP and one of my customers starts to tell me this story about someone they know...all I can think is “really? Really?!?!”. I let her talk and ended up pleasantly surprised...things didn’t look good for this man but he was able to overcome the odds and beat it. Why did she tell me the story? Because “you’re strong just like him and you’re going to beat it!” So nice the way it turned out when I just knew where it was going... glad I was wrong and an honor that I reminded her of that courageous man
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Kamelkitty, no clue where things are for you right now, I read your first post here about your husband trying to say "Hey felt the lump a year ago" earlier and tried to make you remember that he told you. Seriously, pissed me off. What an ass. Plus, all his negative comments on everything. Bringing the whole post forward because it was on page 57 maybe. What a jerk. Hmmmmm Whiskey Tango Foxtrot JERK.
" This has been one of the more difficult things about getting breast cancer. I am embarrassed to say that all the stupid comments have come from my loved one. First, he insinuated that getting BC was my fault, it's because of my "lifestyle," I eat "rich" food, I chose to go into a stressful profession, live in a "stressful environment." After diagnosis, and as I was trying to mentally prepare for surgery, and explaining that the tumor was "very small," and without spreading to lymph nodes or other areas, he said that sometimes the doctors open you up, and it's all over place, and you just don't really know. Thank you, that was comforting. Now, I am 2-days post surgery. And he's telling me that I felt the lump a year or more ago (I didn't), and he tried to make me remember what I told him, and that he did feel it, too. "Don't you remember, don't you remember?" What is the point of telling me that now? How does that make me feel better? How?"
Kamel hope you are doing well Hugs sassy
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I had to stop reading. Many of the comments were funny, but then way to many were hurtful. I hadn't been back to this page for a way to long of time.
Then I had to figure out why. I have on my favs what I call "housekeeping" threads. They are technical threads working with pain, constipation etc. Then I have my social thread. Tight group. Mixed.
I took a break for a number of months a bit ago, no relationship to here, relevance maybe later, maybe not.
Just a few days ago I started looking at the general posting thing on the menu side. Made some posts. Then here.
There used to be a bunch of us that looked for newbies and tried to help. We burned out, met'sd, died. For the survivors some are still helping. Some not.
I guess there comes a phase when you just want to stop talking BC. But then it is so in the daily mind. Particularly, when other cancers come along or stuff.
Truly the worst was the loss of my husband in 2010. But a weird thing happened after that my twin warned me about was being a single woman. There were so many weird reactions from women about me that I stepped back into isolation. I wasn't a flirt. I lived my life in uniforms i.e. catholic school and then a nurse. I wasn't provacative and had no clue how to be. I've had a BF for now 5+ years, but the weirdness about women. in the first years after Greg's death, floored me. Plus, the friends that left b/c Donnie wasn't Greg. So, there was isolation from making new friends and the old ones weren't there. I'm now used to it. So, is Donnie. A few have remained. I just wish there were more. Of course, the idiots that hadn't a cancer clue----gone. Anywhooses, this is the first I've talked of the weirdness that happened in the months after Greg died. Okay, Thanks, I'm good it's said, it's over. It was a hurtful thing I was carrying.
Donnie and I are good. Thanks
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Solfeo,Thanks for responding, I was just having a bit of a pity party, I'm good now. Donnie's good. A very fun thing happened Retsky asked me to be involved in a study he's trying to get grant approval. It may require travel across the pond. Cool eh
Good luck with the business expansion. BTW you were on mark witht he women's response. I was shocked b/c it was so undeserved. 0 -
I started to read this post when I was first dx....thought it was horrible. Well...now that I am down the road a bit my self...I have one to add. lol Mine is genetic, didn't know it before my unilateral mx...considering having the 2nd one removed.
Why in the world would you cut your breast off if there is nothing wrong with it?
Still dealing with that one...and stopped sharing with this particular person. Don't need the lac of support even if it is unintentional.
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Last week at my mapping session, in response to a question I asked one of the workers in my RO's office actually said "well, if you had real cancer......"
Wait a minute, if I don't have "REAL" cancer tell me again, exactly why do I have to have radiation for 33 treatments? She's obviously in the wrong line of work.
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greeneyes- I’d have to turn around to her and say, “because if I don’t it will likely kill me after making my life a living hell. Why wouldn’t I remove it?”
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@greeneyes yep i had double mastectomy (love it btw) my husband reponce to that one (please uni boobers dont take offence) "why would she want to walk in circles for?" Or deal with bras and prosthetic. Hugs. My family favorite topic now at the dinner table is making come backs to stuiped comments. So the walk in circles is my favorite to that one. Hugs
Omg tlfrank I would have reported that one to my oncologist name and all. Shame on them
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Yay Solfeo, moving on ....another Yay!
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Solfeo, 👍Good for you.I thought of two come backs you could toss her way. 1) Breasts don't define me as the woman I am. 2) I'm a very secure woman who doesn't need breasts to remind me that I am one. Can you tell I'm a flatty? LOL. Have been for five years and sure don't miss the discomfort of bras in the summer.
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I had the reconstruction done, but not sure I'm happy about it...
I hate that I ever had boobs - for what they've done to me. The only reason I went thru with the reconstruction is for my DH - who then proceeded to tell me that he thinks that they are too small. WTF - they are not even real.
If he gets excited over 100% FAKE boobs - he should buy himself a life size Barbie doll...
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Solfeo, you were on a roll with that answer to Sacred67. The worst put down to a man is penis size hahaha, If they only had a clue it's really what they do with us and everything they do with the penis is the value, not the size.
Must admit, when Donnie and I got together the concern about scars was very high. Mine at the time even 3years post op still looked like I was put together with horse thread. But they meant nothing to him. One thing for a husbands reaction, different concern for a new partner. Duh. It works.
Your Doc has been indoctrinated(no pun). She's a non-listener. It's whatever floats your boat, is what ought to be.
Scared67, sorry your husband isn't just joyful you are alive. Well, if he's truly truly is only focusing just on the boobs, then perhaps you ought to be making moves to protect yourself from a divorce. That may sound incredibly harsh. But better to be prepared than surprised. Know everything about your finances and assets. Where all the money is etc. Become familiar whit what comes in and goes out. If you don't know online banking learn it. Track all credit cards. Credit karma is a good place to find out and track your credit score and what cards are in your husbands and your names. Credit Karma is free and secure.
Except for a few years, I let my husband handle the finances. We were fine. But what I learned is he didn't have a clue how to be frugal. I foolishly let him handle the finances after the first time I handled them after a job loss and he was out of state. Long story, but that's when I found out money could have been better managed. Then it was after he died and I had to take things over. Again things weren't wacko or anything, they just could have been done better.
Okay one example, he was an energy hog on the electric, I was oblivious. Budget billing was 250$ (high end was 350$)at his death in 2010. Instead of him thinking over the years how to conserve energy/money he just paid the bill. I did corrections. Same house with corrections, my average billing is 96$. High end 133$ --in Florida 2220 sqft under air. If you multiply savings, out over 18 years he was responsible, oh vey, money flying out the door into some else's pocket.
Just saying do things to protect yourself from surprises. He's demonstrating poor male behavior. Good adult male behavior is to protect your mate against all danger. Juvenile male behavior is focus on cleavage and hip size. This goes back for millennia. Like caveman time. Basic anthropology. Recent research still supports this. It's how a male is culturized today as to how they respond under duress in this present time that will show if they stay or leave when trouble happens.
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Thanks Solfeo and Sas-schatzi!!! - Very Good advice!!! My DH is more of a FH...for saying what he said to me. Even my NP, didn't like him. She told me that she thought he seemed unsupportive. I am learning to stand up for myself these days and it feels good. I no longer worry about him getting mad at me for defending myself either, because I don't feel like it's worth it anymore - and if he wants to leave - then that is more than fine.
My credit is good and I have a good job. He's been fired multiple times and credit score is low. Go figure.
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Whoooeheee, girl okay it's out of you now. Now is the time to back off and be very very nice to him. You need to be sure all your assets are protected and he doesn't run debt up. I have ideas, but not a pro at protecting yourself under these circumstances. Not done right he could destroy your credit and leave you with a lot of debt to clear up.
Not saying you are looking at a marriage breakup, but be realistic and self protective. Based on your history and his history, not done right if there is a marriage breakup, you might have to pay alimony. Be very careful how you work this..
Hope someone jumps in here?
Do we have a thread on this?
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Sorry, I can't get over a radiation oncology staff member saying "if you had real cancer"....????
No seriously, the RO needs to know and that person needs to be written up. That is not only wrong, but rude and unprofessional. Geez....
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Solfeo, I agree your onc is too dismissive. Low risk does not mean no risk, and you need peace of mind. Could you fly somewhere great for a second opinion to get established as a patient, and then communicate with that second opinion doc via email and photos occasionally, to keep tabs on your local doctors?
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It sounds like you are doing a good job, solfeo. Sometimes this stuff is like a part-time job.
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I apologize to anyone in advance if you believe this to be true. Not mocking anyone. A very good friend said this in text to me today after fining out I had just gotten out of the hospital for some new issues related to chemo I had.
They sent me Exodus 25:5. Said they could help to break my curse.
My response was: "Iteresting, but sounds like an easy out--blame your parents or God. Sometimes, chit just happens."
Response from them:
"It opens doors. Infirmity is a demonic stronghold, usually brought on by generational curse. It's about demons, not God or your folks. You simply break it. But I'll say no more."
Sorry. Don't really need that in my head space right now. As far as I know the demon attached to me was Tamoxin, and I was told to stop taking it due to the risk with the new conditions I was diagnosed with.
Am I wrong for being annoyed
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HoneyBadger47 - You're certainly not wrong for being annoyed. I wouldn't have even been able to generate a response to that. You handled it perfectly.
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Solfeo, I agree
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Solfeo, honeybadger obviously believes what's she saying, but it's awful. Over the years I've met this type in nursing patients They are so hurtful to try and make folks believe it's demons and their fault. A POX on her Hahahah.
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I'm glad to have found this thread it's strangely sad yet uplifting yet relatable. I don't have IDC... don't know what I have yet as awaiting results this week.
I've hardly told anyone re my biopsy, scans and surgery (had all ducts removed and some surrounding tissue)I've told my siblings who haven't been supportive... one keeps telling me to eat properly and cut out sugar and sending me cancer prevention YouTube vids, the other keeps discussing it with her in laws instead of me and keeps 'my friend who had BC said...' and the other doesn't even bother texting. The few friends i told vanished on me. I told one 'best friend' and told her to keep it to herself... that night i got messages from a friend saying 'stay stong' 'everything will be ok' 'you can do this' when I asked 'best friend' why did I get this from our friend she said she felt she needed to tell them and not keep it from them hence why told a few of our close friends. I'm so p'd off that they're using this as gossip. I told them how I felt and that it's no one's place to tell people but mine and that i dont want people knowing until I know and get my head around things! They're all annoyed at me now... the cheek! Just glad that I have my Mum who is the best support. It's hard tosee people you have done so much for just vanish. The 'best' friend who told others came to see me once and said jeez one breast is so much smaller now good luck hiding it! Made her leave. People are annoying!
RAnt over sorry
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Tlfrank, thank you. Probably good it was a text so they did not see the confused look on my face.
Solfeo and Sassy thank you, as well.
Sassy, you may not realize it but you made my day with "a POX on her" I used to look at this thread and would laugh every time it was said. I
Knew I missed it but didn't put together it was you! Welcome back. Glad you are back and thank you for all that you do on this site! I have found many of your threads helpful and a great reference.
RaiderGirl, who started this thread has some fabulous comebacks.
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HoneyBadger: hell, no, you're not wrong to feel annoyed! Your so-called friend who believes in demons and curses sounds like a superstitious headcase.
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Larkspur, haha thank you! They used to be sane. The Bible quote was fine- the curse part, etc....was not. Especially because the issues I'm dealing with are documented as known risks with chemo I got. Maybe I will call my doctors and see if they can do an exorcism instead of medications. 😀
Solfeo glad you got clarification. Good job advocating for yourself. Maybe she will learn something.
Not sure about you all but cancer has removed my filter and tolarnce level of crap. That isn't really a good thing for me. I will work on it. There is a balance I suppose
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honeybadger-if your friend offers to take you to her church service, I’d recommend passing on the invitation...
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Lula
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Pink - so sorry to hear you’ve experienced the “disappearing friends” syndrome. And that “friend” who spread YOUR news - why do people do this? Hope you get your results soon so you can move forward.
Feel free to rant away here!
MJ
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Honey badger, Thanks
and so glad you got the "Pox on her" If what I was saying was that we don't get cancer b/c of demons or things we have done there is no evil to it's cause. And then I say a curse on her. It was weird and I couldn't resist. And it was fun. And I miss RaiderGirl too. She only lives about an hour and half north of me. She went back to work life and dropped out. 0 -
Scared67. when I said do we have a thread that can help you get through a divorce. I realized a thread I just did to bring forward Bon's bag has everything you need to gather for a divorce. Maybe not everything. But a whole lot of things.
In gathering the info you can tell hubby it's your prepare for a disaster bag. Everything you both need to do a bug out in a disaster. like Harvey and Irma. Just make sure he doesn't get control of any of your info.
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topics/859838?page=1#idx_11
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